Wife Wisdom Wednesday: Love Language #2 - Quality Time
"I just want some quality time."
"Going to church together isn't considered quality time."
"You spend time with your friends, but you don't make time for me."
"We need time together when the kids aren't around."
"We don't spend time together anymore."
"I'M DONE TRYING!"
Does any of this already sound familiar? If it does, you are probably thinking... QUALITY TIME, does that even exist anymore? YES!!! IT DOES EXIST!!! Speaking from experience, I've been there, done that, and thought all of those things. Frustrated, mad, angry, demanding, and thinking I just want some time. We all do! Do does he!
Over the past 3 months My husband and I have spent more "Quality Time" together, than we have in the past 3 years. You may wonder 3 years, how is that possible? It's possible because life happens. Remember from last week the "in love" state only last about 2 years. So after that life happens. Attention is on the baby, focusing on jobs, and building careers. Their hanging with their boys and you with your BFF all the time. You have problems with your family and it's stressing you, work stresses you, folks on social media getting on your nerves. You at church thinking, why are we here 10 times a week. You are back in school, your exam is tomorrow and you haven't started your writing assignment. LIFE. All these things matter, you try to find balance, but all you really want is to RUN AWAY and spend some "Quality Time" with your spouse. RIGHT?
For us it's been 12 years and a lot has happened in our lives and relationship. In the past 3 months, we moved, transitioned to a new city, new job for him, and for me... Well right now I'm a "Homemaker ". It might sound bad for me to say this, but this move forced us to spend more time together. I must say this quality time is absolutely amazing! We left behind our family, friends, and businesses for a new beginning and there is no one here but us. Now all we have is time and we chose to spend it together. It's almost like the reset button was pressed. Man, where in the heck was this button 5 years ago?!?!?! Our priorities have been repositioned. We have finally figured out that we were missing out on each other.
Quality time for is now a priority!!! We were forced into understanding this, however being able to understand your own or your partners love language of quality time is really simple.
You want to know how? Here is the answer.
It's just that simple. There is absolutely no way around it.
"The 5 Love Languages" discusses several ways of spending QT. These include, focused attention, quality conversation, and quality activities. One of my favorites is quality conversation. I love a good conversation with my husband. Since the move, he's been on 3rd shift the majority of the time. So we get to spend our uninterrupted time together in the mornings. He walks through the door after a long night. He is tired and I've missed him... a lot! I welcome him and usually ask "how was your night?" He answers with details on how rough or smooth the night went. Rather or not he met his numbers, and the progress he has made in developing his team. All the responses are exciting to me! I want to encourage him to do his best, share ideas, and listen. Our conversation is a two way street, we discuss our personal goals, financial goals, our family goals too. I get to express to him, my thoughts on my purpose in life, what I need to do with my business, etc. He listens and gives the best feedback. We talk about how fast our son is growing, how smart he is, and how we will continue to work hard to make sure he is exposed to the best. We have lunch together and our intimate time is a time of pure connection with our souls.
Ok!!! I'm going to stop right here, because I'm not ready to reveal our love languages just yet! I'll be sharing that at the end of the series. So here are a few things I suggest you should work on in the the mean time.
Go pick up the book, "The 5 Love Languages" it's a great read. Follow along with me in the next 4 weeks.
Is "Quality Time" your love language and it doesn't seem like you are getting your point across?
First, before you go fussing at your spouse about how you two aren't spending enough time together. Go sit down, get your pen and paper, and write down what QT means to you. How would you like to spend time with your spouse? What are some of the things you would like to do? Be specific because He can't read your mind and his definition of QT might be different than yours. He might want to go to the game and you might want to go shopping, then you get mad cause he takes you to the game...
Once you figure out what QT means to you, discuss it with him. Set a date and a time and make it happen!
Remember communication is key! Until next time...